Story Time...(LONG)

Sometimes, when you repeatedly warn grown people not to play with fire and they don't listen, there isn't much left to do but wait for them to get burned.

For some, you just have to be there to put back all the pieces, AGAIN, and gently remind them to not be so naive. It's part of growing up. We learn that most people are selfish fucks and that no matter how much YOU want them to NOT be, they just are.

For others, you just shrug and remind them they were warned.

My older kids are technically my step children. I went from being a 28 year old woman who was single with no kids, living my best life with my best friend to insta-mommy. Quite literally over night. I met Bee and he had 3 kids (I only claim two. Long story, different day) but only two lived with him. Cass was 7 and Zach was 5. Their mom had just been sent to prison for theft. It was not her first offense. It was her third. Let me also be clear, she didn't only steal three times. It was just that she was only caught three times.

Let me just add, life has taught me a LOT since I met this little family. At 28, I didn't understand how you could do something ILLEGAL when you had kids for the fear you could lose them would be enough to keep you on the straight and narrow and I was really hoping she would have gotten MORE than 8 years. Life has since taught me that not everything is so black and white. Sometimes our demons get the best of us. Sometimes the line gets crossed when you aren't paying attention and then you don't know how to come back from it. I have a little more understanding and sympathy for it in THAT regard. I'm not a perfect mom. I've made mistakes. However, where we differ is after fucking up over and over until a line was drawn, I made the decision to NEVER cross that line again. I went to therapy to learn WHY and got tools to help me cope and then make sure I never darken the wrong path again. I was extended grace and was going to be DAMN SURE I didn't cross that line again. So, my sympathy ends there and I am completely out of sympathy for their biological mom. She was arrested for stealing when Cassie was almost 1. Then again, when Cassie was 5 and Zach was 2. Then again the time before I met Bee. For 8 years straight, she stole....non stop....from 3 different jobs. She has done "boot camp", she has done therapy, she has done it all..she has learned nothing.

We moved to Arizona 3 months before she got out for prison. It's not why we moved but, it was certainly a cherry on top. We told her she could contact the kids only if the KIDS wanted her to. Zach had long stated that he wanted nothing to do with his mom. Cassie was on board with keeping in touch with her mom. She made sure she gave her mom her cell phone number and that was that. All went well for the first three months. She was still in prison so she could only call every once in awhile.

Then she got out.

This woman BLEW UP my daughter's phone. She called her, easily 25 times a day. She would start at about 4 am our time. She couldn't get the time difference between Ohio and Arizona. So, it's 4 am here and she is  calling and hanging up. Calling and hanging up. By the time Cass would wake up for school at 6 am our time, she would have 7 voice mails, 8 missed calls, and 15 text messages. Each message got more and more upset as to why she was being "ignored". Cassie would try to explain  to her mom that it was 4 a when she started calling. Then, she would call her 20-30 times through out the day and would get worked up as to WHY she couldn't answer the phone and TALK. Cassie would explain that she has school all day, then she has basketball after school, then she works, and the comes home to do homework, usually passing out in the middle of it. Also, she JUST spoke to her and nothing new had changed so what are they supposed to talk about?

Then, she would involve her mother. Cassie's grandmother would start calling, texting, and leaving messages on facebook. Calling her all sorts of names and how AWFUL she was for not talking to her mother and blah blah blah. Then, she started making comments about us. Telling Cassie that we were crappy people and making her feel bad for, I don't know, LOVING us I guess. This went on for 4 weeks. Cassie was losing weight, She wasn't sleeping, she was stressed out. She CRIED all the time and finally decided enough was enough. She told both her mother and her grandmother she needed a break and blocked both of them from texting/calling her AND from social media. These two grown ass women LOST THEIR MINDS. Instead of respecting her wishes and backing off for a little bit, they went FULL TILT. Bee finally stepping in and told them to back off or her was filing harassment charges.

They stopped for a little bit. But then Cassie's mom started friending and un-friending Cassie. Over and over and over again until Cassie finally gave in and friended her. Then, silence. For months. Cassie got a new number and sent a mass text out to her contacts and they each got it (Cassie, says she didn't even think...) and slowly she started talking to her grandmother. Grandma slooowlly guilted her into friending her mom. She did, and everything was fine for a about 6 months. Then, all hell broke lose again. They (grandma and mom) said something about Jackson and why Cassie loved him so much because he wasn't her full brother. BLOCKED again....

This is how life has been for the last 4 years. About a year ago, we found out Mom had been arrested for theft about 26 days after getting out of prison (She plead guilty and they gave her a SUPER plea deal. She stole from her employer. Go figure). This was also about the time I got my Real Estate license. Cassie gave me a shout out on Facebook ("Super proud of my mom!! She got her RE License!") and grandma made a public comment about not knowing her daughter took the RE Test. And since they lied about mom getting arrested years prior and that comment, Cassie cut them both off.

For the next year, anytime anyone mentioned either people in our house or even HINTED at their names, Cassie would have a visceral reaction. Then, around graduation, she changed. All of a sudden, she would bring her mom up, out of the blue, like to the point it STOOD out because we were like, "Where did THAT come from? How did you link the weather and your mom?" just to say something mean about her. It made me think...like...you are trying to hard kid....what are you hiding?

Cassie graduated high school and moved out with "friends". A week after graduation (and her moving out) her and her brother flew home to Ohio to see their aunt (Mom's brother's ex wife) and cousins. We found out the DAY they left that she did NOT move in with friends but with her significant other who we were NOT happy about because this was a super toxic relationship. In fact, we didn't even know they were still talking, let alone, dating..and now living together. When they got back from their trip, Zach told us her and their grandmother talked like best friends (we were under the impression that they had not spoken in almost a year) and grandma was "up to date" on all things Cassie. Then, he said Cassie told grandma she had thanked her mother for the $300 she sent to her. No mail had come to OUR house, so this meant grandma and her mom, both whom she supposedly hasn't talked to in a YEAR, knew WHO she was living with and WHERE (at this point, we didn't even have her address because she dodged the question every time we asked)

In September, Cassie flew back to Ohio for her 18th birthday. She denies it but I am almost positive her mom bankrolled the trip. I got up at the INSANE time of 4 am on a Saturday to drive her to the airport 2 hours away. On the way, her mom called while her phone was connected to blue tooth so, over the speakers it says "Mama calling" and it has a "4-4-0" area code....she declined the call real quick and made some lie up about how it was her friend's mom calling "She still has her Akron number" (Except Akron is 3-3-0 ...) She claimed she didn't see her mom...until her mom messaged Bee on Facebook and "thanked him" for "sharing her with me" this week....then she said she only saw her once but that she got mad and left because her mom said that she might be facing legal trouble again (It wasn't ME. My girlfriend has MY CAR and stole from a store)

Then Christmas.

About 3 weeks ago, Cassie told Zach that their mom wanted to know what he wanted for Christmas. He told her. Then, this past week, she offers to pick Zach up from school and take him out to eat. She tells him IN THE CAR that their mom has flown out and wants to see him to give him his Christmas presents.

Ya'll.....

Anyway, apparently she was here all last week. There was a big fight in our house. We didn't see Cassie all week so, I assumed she spent the week with her mom. Who paid for EVERYTHING, I'm sure. Hotel, tickets, rental car, meals, activities. I'm sure she also bought Cassie whatever she wanted while out here. I know Zach got a $60 game and at least $100 in cash/gift cards. Cassie asked for an Apple watch. I know she got that. Zach went out to eat with them the day of the presents and again on Friday night. His meal alone on Friday was $60 at Red Lobster. I mention the dollar amounts because this woman is the manager of a bowling alley in Ohio. I'm sure she does alright but, she has $165,000 in restitution she has to pay, her rent is $1000 (I looked it up), she has a BRAND NEW car so, I am sure she has a $300 or $400 car payment. Plus, while supposedly her and her girlfriend broke up, that was only a week before she flew out here. Her girlfriend has had a lot of legal trouble this past year and I am SURE she was paying for that too. Where is all this money coming from? I mean, Prison MAY have made her a money saving and budgeting genius but, I highly doubt it...

She was on TV on the local news a couple weeks back. A friend of mine who knows her whole story called and told her boss to run a background check on her if he hasn't already because Lord Jesus, that might be some information you would want to know. Don't know if he did or not....but I'm just waiting for the news that she has been arrested again.

For Cassie, I'll be there picking up the pieces and holding back my "I told you so's" but for her employer, I can only say I hope you have insurance.....